Saturday, April 30, 2016

How we Communicate and Vocabulary (Self Analysis)

What is communication? the first is the words we use..  The best test is that we need to take the literal meaning of the words ..  if we hear the same words without any context how we will interpret them.. believe me it will be crazy!!! :-)

Lot of times we are looking for the input/opinion on a certain thought..  When we present the thought as a statement/fact.  What is for the other person to do? either agree or disagree .. so it mostly a yes or a no answer from the other person.. and if the other person have a difference in opinion there is no room for that.

Let's look at the following in terms of weather

It is hot .. this is a statement that either the other person agree or disagree.. Here the conversation becomes tough as for if the other person agree or people don't want to disagree for something that they are not very picky about.. but from your point of view .. you wanted to have a conversation.. but the conversation was started in a way that there are only 2 answers and that is it...

I think it is hot .. is more of a person's opinion.. so it is easy for the other person to share what they think. This can lead to a better conversation about what we do in hot weather or how every one deals with the hot weather in their own different way... if the conversation starter is a yes or no question then the conversation doesn't go anywhere .. this could make us frustrated..

(It is almost like asking for Apple juice and expecting Orange juice to be served and blaming others that Orange Juice was not served  )

It is important for words and
thoughts/expectation/presentation  to match.

Putting up a proper questions sometime may present a person as if they are not sure of what they are talking about.. i think it depends on the relationship that we have with a person. This is one reason that we want to be truthful and transparent in some relationships.. as presenting opinions as facts (misuse of vocabulary) may lead to long-term mistrust in relationship.. in relationships we are not inclined to have a yes and no answer in most of the cases .. as relationships are more about helping each other grow, understand each other, respect and accommodate other opinions.

what we are at 25 is different than what we are at 35 or 45 or 55.. the longer the relationship the more is needed for each person in relationship to grow, accommodate and understand.

When we are married and may or may not have kids.. Two people in marriage is like a team which is standing against the challenges that world is throwing at them.. having this kind of disconnect will not let us prosper,  give better life to us and our family and this kind of communication/"lack of vocabulary" can lead to loss in direction, conflicts and is self defeating.. 

Improve your communication and a better use of Vocabulary for loving relationship, prosperity and to be happy.  I love you or I hate you.. is what we say to the person we love in every word we say. So it is important to say words in a way that makes them loved and respected. Improper use of words can make the other people feel like "you hate them" where as you want to say "I Love YOU".

  • Be clear - You may think the other person understands, but they might not
  • Be open - Discuss everything you have been meaning to express
  • Be verbal - Use words to accurately express your concerns

Try avoid use of Strong words in negative context. It will make it easy to have a good conversation.

Wednesday, April 27, 2016

Winning an Argument (Self Analysis)

If it takes less effort to convince that it(something) does not matter to you than to convince other person that you have is a valid point. Then it is for the other person to appreciate or listen to you .. If they don't want it .. It is their desire/wish not ours to make them listen .. Period .. 

Why are we forcing ourselves to even want to have a conversation when other person doesn't want to. Do something that make you a better person and channelize your energies in a positive way than to waste your time dealing with people who don't want to listen or are not open  or doesn't want to grow.

I have used this as a guide for myself in the situation where I have a point of view/opinion which could be helpful, but when the other person is not open .. then it is not worth an effort to have the conversation. It could end up being like that I am trying to enforce my opinion on others.. (In a family we have the responsibility/duty to guide we have to do the best we know)

Avoid these conflicts, be open to other people's opinions and views as it makes you a better person for anyone with whom you interact.  You may have seen the most successful people listen and observe that's how they lead and come-up with creative ideas.

Do you really want to win a argument?

I think by the time we are 35 to 40+ we realize that people have their own way of doing things weather it is right or wrong. They will do what they want to do. We need to focus on us and then move on with life.
Becoming a Super Learner “The more you know, the more you know you don't know.” Aristotle

Steve Jobs told students: ‘Stay hungry. Stay foolish.’ 

Saturday, April 23, 2016

Engaging in the world with Intellect/Intelligence/Awareness

Have you ever been in a situation where your conversation ended up in a conflict/anger or argument?
there could be many reasons..
  1. You may not  have complete knowledge of the subject.
  2. you may not have evaluated that the person is right to have the conversation.

In any case it is our assessment which has gaps or is flawed. We need to work on our analytical skills to avoid a situation.

Intellect is a complicated thing.. Is the other person open to the conversation or the ideas and does not have a intellect to hear the other person out and have a debate or a conversation.. then why are we even having the conversation. We should back out and find a person who is worthy and willing to grow with the knowledge and connect the dots.

Most of the conflicts around us are caused due to...
  1. Lack of awareness
  2. Rigidity to change
  3. Having preconceived opinions/notions.
  4. Lack of being open to the world/information
The conflict does not even arise among people who are open for conversations and willing to understand other persons point of view. Irrigation/anger is not letting us solve the problems. We are trying to get clarity and predictability. Every one has a point of view about how to deal with a situation, but then there is always a reason why we  don't want to go the other way. A reason is not good enough when we cannot describe or articulate it and express our dilemma.

Sometime we thing that a solution has to be perfect or it cannot have unknowns. Can we predict how we will act the next adverse event.. it is hard to .. so a solution is as good as what we know at the moment and there could be some unknowns that needs to be dealt with as they come forward.

World and People around us: We may think what we know is the truth/whole, but most of the time there is always something that we are not aware of. So navigating our way through it is the best option, as we are willing to listen and answer.. in the process we learn and appear humble. It is humane not to appreciate arrogance.

Human Mind decides to dislike then there is no turning back unless:  It is just that we as humans take time to make a belief or understand something. Once done it is hard for us to change the perspective about something. Imagine some one has done that what is the probability of they accepting your point of view. One needs to be able to articulate information is a very structured and sequential manner for other to be able to appreciate your perspective. We have to be able to articulate our thoughts and information is a expressive and positive way.

Forcing routine/structure around our life: Surprise and sudden events  can cause us unease. We should try to be predictable is what ever means possible. Since we are predictable we don't have to get surprised or plan at the last moment , which can cause uncertainty in the subsequent events and eventually in life as a whole.

One-on-One with Yourself & Entrepreneur
Materialism/Bhikshu to Spiritualism , Knowing yourself