Tuesday, December 15, 2015

Conversation can go 3 ways..How to be Happy.. Self Analysis

Communication with other people is a major part of our life , we communicate with our parents, siblings, spouse, relations and at work. Communication is how we share the feeling of love and affection. This is one of the most important skill to have if we are good at it we could be happy, get more done and prosperous in life. 
If we cannot communicate well then life will be miserable, people don't understand you, you are not able to get your point or feeling across. It will be a disaster.

 Probably good communication is one of the main things to have a happy and joyful life.
 
1) Adding context and meaning to the topic/conversation: Sometime an issue/topic is not well described or understood. To make it understandable we need to add details and context to it , without these details we may have gaps in understanding of a problem/topic. Since we don't understand.. the conversation will look like between people who does not not what is going on. Whenever we hear "You/I Don't Understand" is the time to set context as people are not on the same page.
 
2) Towards generalization : To understand a problem or topic we try to generalize it to be able to relate to it with our surrounding .. since we have different lifestyles everyone's generalization will be related to their experience in life .. which could be very different than the other person you are having conversation. You may have to explain how it relates and help other person relate. otherwise two people are having 2 different conversation at the same time .. you can imagine how it will go..

 3) Narrowing down to a point/conclusion : We try to do it so that we can understand the main influencers of/for the topic or the problem. Sometimes we have multiple influences, It takes an effort to set the ground , describe the reason and explain the connection. This is how we find solutions in our life, If no solutions then we have issues in life to deal with. NO SOLUTION=MISERABLE LIFE.
Now imagine that there are 2 people having a conversation if one person is trying to narrow down the cause other is generalizing or one person is trying to generalize the problem even before a having a complete context. Both will result in incorrect conclusion.

 Don't have a conversation which is hopping from one topic to another.. it will frustrate the other person and they will give up on you.

Without doing things in a sequence , problem solving or conversation is difficult. Figure out what phase of conversation/problem solving you are in.. and align yourself, otherwise it will be hard to have a conversation with you or you having a conversation with someone else.. If you have constant conflicts with people keep in mind life is not a mathematical equation where everyone will have the same equation and values to come to the same conclusion. There could be multiple conclusion and they may be opposite to each other.. that’s how we humans are.. we agree to disagree and still respect and can be together. If these contradictions didn’t exist human evolution would have been slow as everyone would have agree to an opinion and stay with it.. for lot of things when we have the same goals we need to agree, collaborate,execute and be together.

So the suggested sequence is
"Problem/Conversation"--->"Set Context"-->"Generalize it if needed"--> "Narrow down the conclusion"
Explain where ever the disagreement, try to respect other persons opinion and context.
Wishing you the best, have lovely conversations and Happy Journey through life!!!

One a side note : When only god or you close relatives can understand you; that means you need to really work on communication with humans :-), Some of us could get into so called spirituality  to avoid human interaction.

Communication

There is Never a perfect time, but we need to grow up anyways Self Analysis
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Sunday, December 6, 2015

Ego, Fear, I am glad to be Wrong, Forgive thy Ignorance

We need to look at this article from a perspective of evolution of soul and society. We have come a long way from stone age , have accelerated in the 20th century and are evolving at a faster pace.. knowing our-self and being part of the evolution helps us stay relevant, when we are relevant/”part of the evolving universe” we are happy and joyful.

When we disagree think of it from other person's perspective you are disagreeing with them.
 
ego noun a person's sense of self-esteem or self-importance. Sometimes we wanted to be accepted right when we are not. Why we want to do that , won’t we be better off by knowing to be what is right and not do those errors again? If we take action due to ego when we are not sure or right we will end up on the wrong side.

re·spect noun a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements. It is not about being respected .. it about being right or wrong. Respect does not come into play when we are wrong. We should always focus on if we are right, if we are right people will agree with us.

fear noun an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat. This is almost a flip side of ego where a person wants to prove their worth. Here a person is always like , what wrong i have done , i could be wrong and they are not able to take action/karma. Not able to take an action is almost similar to taking a wrong action when looked at the perspective of life.

I am glad to be wrong: as i am a learner and am learning new things with every interaction we can be better and more complete human being. this helps in evolution of soul and brings happiness.

Defending or Clarifying: When in conversation are we defending or clarifying? Clarifying is trying to explain why the thoughts and the intent, sometimes clarification is enough to help people understand and avoid negativity. 

Forgive thy ignorance: Let people go; who doesn’t want to be part of the evolution or are not open and willing to listen others opinion. They have in some ways decided not to grow/evolve. It is their wish and desire. We cannot change this person , this person needs to decide when they want to be open and be part of the flow of the universe.

"I am a very nice person": Nice does not say that a person is logically right or wrong. It only expresses a feeling which a person has over logic. We have to be on the right side in all the conversation or things we do, if we don't know we should learn with every interaction and opportunity we get.

 "Assumed opposite is true": Sometimes it is other person's perception (no logic or not able to have a conversation). If it is not black then it is white. Some people has a tendency to assume that if there is a certain thing then they conclude as a fact that the opposite will be true as well. In real life if it is not black then it could be red , white , yellow or any other color and it is possible that it can be white as well. For some they think if it is not black then it is white. I just took a very obvious example. In real life thing can be very gray :-)

We are a part of evolving Universe, We want to be part of it for happiness.


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Integrating the opposite Steve Jobs, Mark Zuckerberg (Entrepreneur)


I read that when Mark was feeling stuck Steve Jobs convinced Mark Zuckerberg to travel to India and visit same temples he did. Why India? India is on the opposite side of the globe when looked from Silicon Valley with a difference of day and night. The first thing a person needs to do is adjust their body clock which needs resetting. You are dealing with a different culture which is diverse, people are rich and poor. When coming from Silicon Valley where things are planned for you. You are in a place where you needs to plan everything. It will be a mind-shock. Steve jobs Apple didn’t had much operations in India at that time so probably was not a professional advice... it was probably to widen the horizon. I consider Mediation a part of Spirituality. When we feel stuck we need to consider the following.

Disconnect

We cannot solve the problems with the same thinking that the problem was created with. We need to disengage and then engage to be able to view the problem with a different perspective or different thought process. Meditation can help you disconnect and then connect back.

Meditation

Meditation and engaging in spirituality helps us relax which in turn energize and rejuvenate our mind. It helps us connect with our inner self. When we connect with our inner self we understand happiness we are able to connect with others easily.

Empathy

Once we understand our self we can have empathy... We can understand other and know what can gives them happiness. With this understanding one can come up with a good product which connects with the user/consumer. Mark Zuckerberg to donate 99% of his wealth

Integrating the opposite

We know and believe in what we are doing... to think opposite will be hardest thing to do... We need to try thinking in all the opposite/direction... Once we are aware of extremes we understand the spectrum for broader perspective as success is always in between extremes. Without it one can be successful, but may have less probability of redefining industries like Apple or Facebook.

Eternal Happiness and Material Happiness

Material happiness is short lived. We should feel constantly happy or connected using a product. Once we stop being happy, we stop using a product. The product should make us feel happy when using it like Apple or feel connected with other like Facebook. I think this is very true for consumer products.

To summarize when you are in a place where you need to think of everything, you are not in the world of you where you are the greatest, you have just visited the other side of you where you were... vulnerable, looking for guidance and was engaged in life. This is a mind shock which can reset the stuck feeling in an entrepreneur as you have challenged yourself to be different and you are back to what you do best as an entrepreneur.
Integrating the opposite Steve Jobs, Mark Zuckerberg (Entrepreneur)
Bridging fear of Failure and Success (Stay Hungry, Stay foolish) Entrepreneur
Materialism/Bhikshu to Spiritualism , Knowing yourself
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